Friday 23 May 2014

Be a Man, Not a Beggar.

A letter from a boy in deep distress.

Dear Girl,

Today you have refused to marry me beacuse me and my family wanted to ease our happily ever after.You reject me ! This is hard to swallow.
How could you?
How the f*** you had the audacity to decline my proposal?
Let me impress upon you the gravity of your loss .You see I am an extremely well settled professional.
I work for a multinatioanal for businesses based out of the “white world”.
My future is bright as I aspire to go to the “white-world” soon and I plan to settle in those parts of the world in the distant future.
So, by declining my offer your future stands bleak. You have lost the opportunity of a housewife in some B Grade dignify town of north India.Now you also stand to miss out on being a part of my great family.
Our family is a very close-knit unit and you always have the pleasure of the company of my parents 24 X 7.
Privacy is a western concept and we don’t care about stupid western views.
But hey, we have an exceptionally well-decorated completely western style home in Gurgaon!
There are air-conditioners and 40” televisions in each of the 4 bedrooms and we even have a bar- though I must admit I have no clue what is the difference between whiskey and single malt or Martini and Margarita, beer and lager and so on….
We have all the latest “must-have” appliances but I challenge you to find a single book anywhere at home!
The closest things to a book that we have at home are cheque-books!
Books are boring and none of our family has the habit of reading books- they are only useful for passing examinations.
But we are very well educated
I am proud that no one in our family has any hobbies. Our only collective interest, obsession, passion is Money.We are a bunch of living-breathing-f***ing price tags and we love to boast of that at all times- like the house we live in costs 1.25 crores rupees ($0.25 million)- the bar costs 200,000 rupees, the rug costs 40,000, the sofa set costs 80,000- the milk jar costs…..
Money is our real god- the reason why we are all alive and why we are here in this world…

Finally, why did we demand dowry?

You see we married off my younger sister last year and we paid a hefty dowry there.We also bought this great 1.25 crore home.With so much outflow, I am sure you would agree, we need some inflows and what better than getting some dowry? After all, this would have been your home post the marriage and should you not be looking out for the collective well-being of your would-be-in-laws?Consider this, your father would be our relative post the marriage, so is his money not a part of ours in the larger context?
You must be weak in logic Girl!

And then again, I welcome you to look at the demands we forwarded.
All we asked for you to pay for the small insignificant expenses like all the food and drinks, 3 day lodging arrangements, air travel for our 150 strong marriage party, entertainment options along with the usual ubiquitous deliverables like jewelry, clothing, gifts, a car, little cash etc.This is surely not a demand of dowry and there is no reason to over-react, right?

Wasn’t this a small price to pay for the awesomeness my family and me could have brought in your sorry miserable life?

But still you rejected me!
Let me tell you, this is ultimately your loss as you are being deprived of the connubial bliss that you would have encountered with my cultured-modern-educated-wealthy family and me.

Yours Greedy and Needy,

The Awesome Boy



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